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Page 7 Diary of the Inner Child Day cant remember part 1 to 4 journey of self discovery Part continues below
Day I think its Saturday Date January.
I cant remember they all feel the same.
Effort lost the plot reason to many to list and God why me?
The outer body or visible image we show the world is not always the true picture. We all walk around shielding our problems and fears and then wonder why they turn round and bite us.
The pressure to be a certain look the perfect weight and the ideal Head Girl/Boy follows all from childhood.
Do we all get to that point where we feel we deserve our fate?
How many have tried the Gok fix and failed. The how to look good naked and if I have a big bum don’t wear stripes. I am not criticising the programmes that trys to help with self esteem. For some lucky few this may be a short term fix and like the eating the last chocolate in the box and the feeling sick the attention, the intention soon disappears when the up keep is totally impossible on a budget and that includes time and motion.
Like a room that freshly painted it soon starts to mark and chip if you don’t keep it clean, tidy and untouched. That’s the point up keep of our bodies and lifestyles are so totally consuming it no wonder we often fail at the first post.
Lettuce anyone with a sense of humour will probably have seen Matt Lucas play Marjorie Doors who constantly takes pleasure from taking the Mickey out of others who again suffer with weight and self esteem issues. Ok its funny and yes us all need some light refreshment and those of you who again, watched the Telly when the famous PG monkeys on it will remember the phrase “Thank you most kindly Madam”. So you see I do have a sense of humour too!
My point is that Lettuce and Dust, for some people who are so desperate to fit in to make the mould to be in the in crowd are usually so sick of it that every day, adverts and images only adds to a sad soul and adds to depression and self loathing.
How many of you out there have spent nearly all their life trying to be perfect. Well sorry it aint just going to happen Fact. Unless you win the lottery and even then, the hours of painful surgery and diets and exercise leave you with an outer shell that looks what perfect and then define it. What is perfect for each of us it would be different.
They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but what happens when what we see is not what we feel, hurt just doesn’t go away it needs understanding love encouragement and lots and lots of attention. So this inner child surfaces.
Why because this where it all starts even from that first day at school when some decides you fit the mould that your in with the In Crowd. You can see it almost in an instance even as early as the first mother and toddler group and you don’t have to be an expert to spot it.
Now another point is does the history of the mother’s inner child follow the child’s inner child are we set up to fail even before we start.
Simple you can fix the outside to look a certain way but that fix can soon become empty just like the purse runs out of money. Just like the hair cut that needs to be done every few weeks along with the colour and then what happens you get home from the experts and then guess what it never looks the same.
Now that is a statement its true and I can speak for all of you. Even a hairdresser cant do her own hair as all of us that tried to cut our own fringe in the mirror will know.
This is a long blog and I am not even half way through to get your attention first I want to realise that the human race has flaws its not perfect and very few people are content with their lot.
There is always going to be someone more Clever, better looking, thinner, younger, talented, smarter nicer, richer, healthy the list is endless
There is always going to be someone who is faster than you who wins everything from the girl to job and the car.
They say that like attracts like and I have seen it yet, when I speak to those people they too in turn complain that they haven’t got it easy and have flaws too.
What do they do, they hide it. Yet they still seem to win the first prize in the raffle and walk away with a gift they did not need and probably did not even want. They just cant help themselves.
To have a style and image takes work and lots of it. It’s a 24 hour a day 365 days a year and for most people it impossible.
A comparison would be an athlete training for the Olympics only to come last and then not only having to face your coach, family friends and country. You have to face you
rself and say I failed. What is failure surely the fact he got there was important. But to Whom.
I say you may feel that you have failed today but you have not failed tomorrow you still have a choice and that is what makes us different from animals. A squirrel who spends the spring and summer collecting food for the winter know that if he don’t get enough food he go hungry and starve he might be lucky and get the odd left over but it’s his responsibility.
You may be thinking what has all this got to do with my inner child. First and foremost if you don’t love wants on the inside it don’t matter how much you change yourself the outside may look different to everyone else but it stays the same for you.
If you feel sad on the inside you can hide it for so long but it will surface and depression will set in. The factors are numerous and each point can have a completely different trigger. I once picked up a book it said 300 reasons to be depressed I thought great I could read this and find a few more.
Even different types of medication can improve or even make the conditions worse. Then there is the Season condition where the lack of sunlight and bright colours makes us feel like cr…p.
Yep the good old weather does make or break our day. So proven there are probably more happy contented good looking people in the shinny countries then in a place when it pees down with rain wind and hail 70% of the time. Yet another, reason to make us feel that the world and its army are against us.
So I have come to the part where how do we deal with it?
What you may ask if I have spent money on the outside why is the inside not happy, why I have suddenly not become this perfect person they told I could be. I have watched all the films I have read all the books I have spent hours eating lettuce and starving myself and looking at web pages of chocolate cake and drooling at the images on screen and yet I still have put on weight. For What ! to find that I am just as UN happy, just as miserable and I am just as fed up and I still feel sh…
I have the gym membership but instead of feeling motivated I feel deflated I braved it once then the local stick insect came along with the perfect body the perfect hair style and the perfect job waltz in speaks a very loud voice to the instructor “Can we work on our stomach”! mines such a problem area and you look at them think what the …… get real. So motivation goes out of the window you reach for the chocolate or the large glass of wine and wonder what next is to come months of staving yourself to get into those perfect jeans to find in one mouthful of chocolate its caused the flood gates to open tears frustration hatred self loathing.
The punishment begins you get up the next morning and relate to Dawn French as you find you not only fallen of the wagon but you have also ate the wagon train itself. The face looks like a kids’ join the dots page and you can’t even get your bum into old favourites let alone anything half reasonable that you can wear to the supermarket you decide do you fake an illness or can you phone in and say that Granny lost her cat.
The fact is the plot has gone, the effort has gone and your back looking and wondering why you. What did you do to deserve this? They said things would change if you stayed on track and yet you’re back to square one.
I can say that self love is the first steps to recovery it don’t happen overnight and you will fall off the band wagon regularly. I know I have seen it there are no quick fixes and even the tightest knickers still can only hid the lumps and bumps on the outside.
On the outside you may have reached the perfect size * but on the inside you still feel 4 times bigger and your waiting for this little gremlin to tell you I told you so I told you your not……………………………… and the list goes on.
This post is not just about weight its about you and the fears and worries put on you by others, who in your life time took great pleasure at taunting, you putting, you down and making you feel worthless.
I want this post to be a support and I want you to support it because if these remarks fit you just how many of us needs to work not necessarily on becoming super models but more and ground balance humans who can accept that you can make a difference.
I plan to write more on this subject and some ideas on how we can help take you forward and the start of the journey to heal your inner child
Annielise Stone International Medium January 23rd 2010. For more information on this post view www.sensingwithspirit.com. I have written 4 more parts to this post and will post them. thanks annielise
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